How to Deal With Someone Who Doesnt Like You -The Muse

How to Deal With Someone Who Doesnt Like You -The MuseHow to Deal With Someone Who Doesnt Like You A couple of years ago, I worked with a co-worker who hated me. She talked negatively about me to other team members and challenged me openly on several occasions. The cherry on top? She told my boss she welches better suited to be manager than I was.Just because it stemmed from her frustrations with her own career, it didnt make my experience any easier. I felt like I had to constantly defend myself, and my work had to compete with all of the negative attention. Looking back now, though, I can see a silver lining. zu sich disdain toward me taught me five things about dealing with people who have it in for you 1. Start With YourselfIts too easy to conclude that people dont like you just because- without taking a look at yourself. Before deciding it has nothing to do with you, take a moment and consider if youre doing things that could potentially be offensive or insensitive. It could be something youre aware of- like if youre hyper-competitive and willing to step on others to get ahead. But it could also be habits youre not attuned to, like finishing peoples sentences. So, ask for feedback from someone you trust. Your boss or co-worker can provide perspective on how youre coming across to others, and why you may not be received so well. Thisll give you an opportunity to adjust some of those behaviors, and then, revisit the relationships that mayve gotten off to a rocky start. (I know its a tricky conversation to start, so heres a template thatll help you ask for honest feedback.2. Accept Your DifferencesMaybe the people you ask says theres nothing they can identify that would rub others the wrong way. If thats the case, the next step is to accept that not everyone will like you- and thats OK. Your job is not to convince them why they should. Yes, you need to be courteous, but dont stop being true to who you are. Its helpful to remember that people have favorites in side and outside the workplace, I bet you experience it, too There are probably some people that you click with and others you dont. While it may seem personal, its just human nature, and remembering that can make it sting less. If its still getting to me, I also like to remember that no ones perfect and embracing imperfections is what make us unique. 3. Refuse to EngageOf course, accepting doesnt mean you stoop to their level. Theres an old saying that arguing with fools will just prove there are two. No matter how strong you think your clap back game is, just dont do it. One strategy that has always helped me resist the urge to participate is redirecting the conversation. If I must talk to someone who doesnt like me and I believe its headed in a negative direction, I quickly redirect the conversation back to its origin. For example, Steve, Id love to get back to brainstorming the marketing plan, specifically.4. RefocusDealing with such a negative person can be draining, so refocus your energy on the people who believe in you. Youre in your job for a reason- because you can do it, and the people who hired you know that What others think of your qualifications is not relevant. Believe it or not, I often refocus by pretending that Im on stage in front of a large audience. Lights, camera, action and everyone is watching. It doesnt matter what happened backstage, in the dressing room, or at last nights show. What matters most is my performance right here in this moment. That namen helps me shake off any negativity and get back to business.5. ResetWhen youre working with someone who doesnt like you, you have to (repeatedly) hit reset. You cant approach each working opportunity thinking about all the reasons why working with this individuals difficult. Resetting will minimize your frustration and allow you to get more done. One way to do this is to play dumb. Yes, youre wise enough to interpret the true meaning of your co-workers so-called compliments and see them for the digs they are. However, you can pretend not to. You can smile and say, Thanks so much for acknowledging my work. I was pleased to see the positive results as well.If you imagine your interaction going fine, it just might- and you want to do all you can to make that possible.Despite the critics, you must continue to persevere. This was the hardest lesson of them all for me to learn. I stressed about going to work, knowing Id have to deal with this awful co-worker. But I got through it by remembering it was her problem. I didnt dislike this associate. She disliked me. That was her burden alone to carry. Acknowledging that this was not my problem helped me remain resilient and continue doing the job I loved.